Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Wrapping up another semester..

& I am so blown away by the things I've seen God do.
But then again, what's new?
I've found myself in such a consistently great state, and am amazed by the way God brought me to this place. It's simple really. He said,
"Stop. Stop doing and striving.
Give up control, and just rest in My presence.
Just be Haley."
Peggy told me I needed to trust more in His ability to lead than my ability to follow. If I wasn't close to my tattoo limit, I'd get those words inked across my forehead. They've done a force of good in my life lately. I honestly walked into her office that first June afternoon like a pile of broken dreams, unaware of the freedom available to those who are willing to surrender. I believed, with everything in me, that God desired me to hurt inside the way that I did. I believed, with my whole being, that a crippled captive is what I would always be. True freedom would always be just beyond my grasp. Thorn in my flesh, right? False time one thousand. Freedom in attainable, and within reach.
I found it.
No, I take that back.
He gave it to me.
I couldn't tell you "how I did it" even if I wanted to. Because, really, I wish I could give you a list of 6 six steps from a self-help book. Trust me, if I could, I would. But there is no book, and there are no steps. It's just a lot of praying, and choosing to not plan anymore.
You want freedom? Here's the answer. Give up & Stop trying.
It's a pride issue, really, at the very root and core. We think we know better, can do better, and need to understand better; All of which are false. A lie from the pit of hell, which traps us. It's a good time being trapped in captivity. Just dandy & swell. ;)
That's also a lie. It's horrid. Captivity is no walk in the park.
So, I gave Satan the finger,(in the sweetest and most Christian way possible) and decided to start believing Truth for a change. Truth has power you guys. It has the power to set us FREE.
I began this semester, a mere 3 and a half months ago, on the lip of a large hole I'd just been pulled out of. Running from lies of size, food, and the need for a man. I was running, and not looking back. Do I seem like the type of girl who wants to be turned into a pillar of salt? I chose to believe that God had the power to keep those things in my past behind me. There was no need to give Satan a foothold by glancing back at prison. Freedom was before me, and by God's power alone, I was going to make it there.
Freshmen Survival 2013
So Fall semester started, and as always, we brought in the new school year with Freshmen Survival. Anyone who k
nows what the beginning of college was like for me, knows Survival is a big deal in my eyes. For me, Freshmen Survival was the moment God yanked my backslidden butt out of the darkness and back into the light. That's why I love Survival, because there's no telling what kind of kids are in that crowd, or how hearing the Truth could turn their life around. ANYWAYS, for the second year in a row, I was a Community Group leader, which meant I would be leading a Survival group with this guy Tyler. It also meant we'd be forced to take this awfully awkward picture together:
Say, "Awkward!"
I'm the Freshmen Ministry team leader, which means Survival is kinda my thing. Not just because I love it, but because it's my job. Therefor, I was in all of the skits, led a Break out Session on "Getting along with your roommates," & led a Survival Group. I also help lead worship at the BCM, which meant when I wasn't running like a chicken with my head cut off, overseeing things, I was on stage singing. I love Survival, but it was a pretty stressful day this year.
Fun Fact:
When this picture was taken, I was struggling so badly with my singleness, that I cried as soon as Survival ended. I don't mean struggling as in typical girl struggle, but a full on obsessive unhealthy OCD Haley struggle. A comment simply hinting at something between the guy and I, from a friend right before this snapshot, sent me past emotional overload. There wasn't room in my stressed out little brain to handle thinking through that possibility, so I cried. Rough day in Haley-land.
Pigeon Forge with Friends
A few weeks later, I decided that I needed to fast from journaling. I needed to stop overthinking dudes, and I needed to trust God to clear my mind. I was overwhelmed, & writing down my thoughts was obviously just furthering the process of overthinking. So I fasted, and when I wanted to journal, I prayed instead.
I came out on the other side empty.
The most incredible and freeing feeling of emptiness.
He lost a bet
Then like a tiny seed planted in my ear, was Tyler's name. Not by a friend, or acquaintance. Not even by my own self. Suddenly, I just knew it was something worth paying attention to. It wasn't something that overwhelmed me, or consumed me. It was just a peace. A very cool peace about being his friend. I didn't know where it would go, or how I would act. I didn't plan, for the first time in my life. I prayed that if anything more ever came of our friendship, God would give me in the moment discernment of what to say. Not long after that, he told me he had feelings for me. The feelings were mutual, and shortly after, we started dating. :) Not to be one of "those girls," but we're sitting at around 2 months now. & the strange peace I talked about before? It hasn't gone away. :) Plus, I kinda like him, a lot!

Beard Auction
You guys, God has been so faithful in my life. There is so much freedom, peace, and joy that I can barely contain it this semester. I've learned about trust, patience, and faith; in ways I never thought possible. His timing is good, always. I'm telling you, He is enough, always.




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