Filled with thanksgiving!

Today I am in absolute awe of God's grace. How compassionate is He to have saved a sinner like ME! Three years ago today, He opened my eyes. Standing in a room, at a camp in Oklahoma. Surrounded by music and hundreds of other students- I'd fought the truth all week, waiting until the very last night. I answered the gentle yet consistent knocking at my heart,

and said yes.

"I will follow you."

I was in awe then too, just as I am today.

How immediately my eyes were opened to my dire need for a Savior!

Yet, I rebelled. Oh how I rebelled.

I was discouraged and confused, because I knew the truth. I knew the truth and it had given me such freedom, yet nobody understood! I was baffled that I had found the cure, and nobody else seemed interested in having if for themselves.

Suddenly I felt at war with the world around me.

I felt at war within myself.

So I chose rebellion. I chose sin.

I chose to run from God, so fresh and new in my faith, yet so quick to turn my back on Him. Praise God for never turning His back on me!

"If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot disown Himself."

I was faced with a choice: God, or the life I had left behind? I chose the life I had left behind, because it was "easier." Yet, I never really could be at peace with my old life again. No matter how I tried to justify how I lived, or smother out the truth from my soul. I was no longer the same- trying to squeeze my changed and reborn self into a mold which I no longer fit; into a mold I don't think I ever really fit.

You see, living in this world is kind of like wearing pants. (Awkward place to end the sentence- I'll explain, I promise.) Living in this world is like wearing pants. Really really really tight pants. The really really really tight pants that you've always worn. "That's just how it feels to wear pants," says she who has never worn the correct size.

But then there's that moment when your body slips into that pair of perfect pants.(If you're having trouble keeping up, God is the perfect pants.) And suddenly you're standing there like, "This is how pants are suppose to feel." It's a freeing feeling, let me tell you. You suddenly have the fresh thought of, "I'm suppose to be able to breathe in pants. I've been suffocating my entire life, because I didn't know what it felt like to breathe! I didn't even know breathing was an option, and I have never felt so at peace than in these perfectly fitting pants." So you buy them, obviously. Once your eyes are opened to the joy and peace that accompany wearing pants that actually fit, you COULD choose to not buy them.. but who in their right mind would do that? You walk out of the store, wearing your new pants, so excited.

"I can not WAIT to tell my friends and family about these pants. Surely they will all immediately rush to get a looser fitting pair for themselves. I want those I love to experience wearing pants that fit." You see your friend, immediately they're laughing at the ludicrous idea that one would wear pants of that sort. "I've always worn these pants, why would I change? They've worked for me so far." You're discouraged, but continue on; still in awe of these incredible pants. You tell your family, and they are closed off to the idea, all wearing their pants which leave them unable to breathe. "I'm so happy that you've found what works for you!" You want them to understand that the pants could work for them too.. what peace they would feel! But they are comfortable, and unwilling to change.

Your heart breaks.

Suddenly you notice all the people around you in tight pants, and you hurt for them in a way never before. You no longer belong, and it becomes more and more apparent with every passing day. You see their brokenness, and you understand that their eyes are closed to the truth! Finally, the aching of your heart becomes too much to bear. Yet, your perfect pants continue on in their perfection. They never become less perfect, but they do make you stick out in a crowd. They sometimes cause people to ridicule you, and that's never fun. You think to yourself,

"Maybe it would be easier to just wear pants which are too tight. Life seemed easier then. "So you put your perfect pants into the back of the closet, and once again struggle into your old pants.

Suddenly you're very aware that the pants don't fit. They'll never fit, no matter how long you wear them.

That's where I found myself for about a year after accepting Christ. Trying, without success, to adjust once again to my old pants. Praise God for never letting me be comfortable in them. He brought me to Tennessee Tech, where I met others who knew that the pants we were born into were the wrong size. Surrounded by them, it became impossible to believe the lies of the world any longer. I threw off my old pants, and pray that I will never try squeezing into them again. :)

If you're reading this and have never accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior,

I pray that you'll ask Him to reveal Himself to you.

Jeremiah 29:13 says, "You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart!"

He wants you to know the joy of being at peace. If you feel like you've spent your whole life wearing pants the wrong size, take a second to ask yourself if you want more. Seek, and you will find!

Jesus told stories a lot, called parables.

We will call this one, Parable of the Perfect Pants.

I love you all so much, and I so badly want you to experience perfect pants.

& to those who spent years speaking truth into my life, even when I was unwilling to listen, THANK YOU!

Your words still impact me to this day.

Forever grateful for the Lord's grace and the people He uses,

-Hales

Because sometimes you just need extra blue things in your life..

:)

Cody Jon

He's always been my favorite.
https://soundcloud.com/haley-jacobs-1/codys-song-May 2011/preparing to leave my best friend in the world.
My precious little brother-the one you all surely have heard me ramble about for my entire life.. gave his life to Christ a few months back! SUCH an answer to prayer. Anywho, God has been heavily at work in his life since he's been sober and saved. ;) He just returned from a mission trip to Canada where he was a camp counselor, and has agreed to do a guest post here on my blog in the next week or so, where he'll talk about his testimony and all the Lord's been doing! So get excited for that!!

Is he adorable or what? I don't think I've ever seen such genuine JOY on his face. :)

"He said I am the Lord. the God of mankind;

is anything too hard for me?

Yes, I have the power to make Prim Rose walk,

or to make your brother see.

Is anything too hard for me?

Haley, don't just give me your heart.

Give me all of your fears.

The former things will pass away,

and I'll wipe away tears!"

:)-July 2012

https://soundcloud.com/haley-jacobs-1/come-to-the-waters songlink.

Blogging because..

I've journaled a frightening amount of 30 pages, front and back.. in the past 7 days. That's 60 pages of my thoughts you guys..and terrifying. I keep thinking, eventually I have to run out of things to write about, right? Wrong. I've already breezed through 4 pages, and it isn't even 10am yet. Here at work, it's just me and my wandering mind. Sometimes, I'm blessed enough to be interrupted by a ringing phone.. Hence, I'm giving my poor little journal a break, and quenching my thirst to write elsewhere; lest I fill an entire journal in a single month. (Not that it hasn't happened before.)

I've been listening to this song a lot lately.

It came on my Pandora worship station a month or so ago, and I've been hooked ever since.

The times you doubt me, when you can't feel.

The times that you question, "Is this for real?"

The times you're broken, the times that you mend.

The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.

Well my love is over, it's underneath.

It's inside, it's in between.

These times that you're healing, and when your heart breaks.

The times that you feel like you've fallen from grace.

The times you're hurting, the times that you heal.

The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.

The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.

I'm there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.

I'm there through your heartache. I'm there in the storm.

My love will keep you, by my power alone.

I don't care where you fall, where you have been.

I'll never forsake you, my love never ends.

It never ends.

Here's another little encouragement for you guys from the book, "Jesus Calling."

"Relax in my peaceful presence. Do not bring performance pressures into our sacred space of communion. When you are with someone you trust completely, you feel free to be yourself. This is one of the joys of true friendship. Though I am the Lord of lords and King of kings, I also desire to be your intimate Friend. When you are tense or pretentious in our relationship, I feel hurt. I know the worst about you, but I also see the best in you. I long for you to trust me enough to be fully yourself with me. When you are real with me, I am able to bring out the best in you: the very gifts I have planted in your soul. Relax, and enjoy our friendship."

When I read that this morning, I felt both comforted and convicted. How often do we seek intimate friendship here on Earth, thinking it can bring a form of satisfaction that Christ can not? I know I'm more than involved in that guilty party. I found incredible comfort though, at the realization that He wants to know me intimately. It's within our human nature, especially us women, to desire deep and intimate friendship. I want it, and I want it bad. Good news is, He just as badly wants to give it to me. I want to see Him, to sit close with Him, to have Him look straight into my eyes and know the deepest parts of who I am- all the while staring back into His eyes, amazed. But I can't- not in the traditional sense at least. It's our natural tendency to seek after something we can see.

Something tangible.

Though it takes more intentionality, I'm having to learn that God wants to be seen by me. He wants to take my breath away, and smile at my awed reaction. He shows Himself to me daily, through the wind in the trees or the color of the sky. He meets me closely, sits with me, as I'm driving in the car talking to Him like a mad woman. And all the while, He's looking not just into my eyes, but straight into my soul, knowing me more deeply or intimately than humanly possible. I can bare my soul to Christ without even having to try, so I wonder what levels of joy and peace can be found when I AM intentional in my transparency towards Him? I want to be truly known, and He wants to know me. Oh the irony in our human struggles. All the things we long for, he has the ability to give in their purest form! We're a doubtful and unbelieving people.

So God, this is me saying that I do believe.

I believe you are the ultimate Friend.

I believe you are the ultimate Healer. 

I believe you are the ultimate Comforter.

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"(Mark 9:24)

Until next time,

-Hales

Treat.

Blue nails and avocado for lunch.

Some of the best pick-me-ups in existence,
and sure to result in a beautiful happy day. :)


Avocados are an all time favorite of mine;
definitely making it into my top 10..
in no specific order..
can't live without..
FOODS!

-apples
-grilled chicken
-African whole grain toast (unfortunately must try and live without)
-peanut butter
-honey
-oatmeal
-avocados
-hummus
-bell peppers
-yogurt

Mmmm, mmmm, mmmmmmmmmm.

Now that you all know this oh so important information about my day and favorite foods, you can return to your life as usual, and have a terrific Tuesday.

-Hales



Oh and check out my best friend's blog! This post is so spot on.
A great reminder for those "messy times" we experience in life.
http://ashonthejourney.blogspot.com/2013/06/isaiah-648.html?showComment=1373403666672#c4038214376675293679
She is such a gem. <3

Been M.I.A. far too long.

Words- like droplets of water fill my thoughts. Accumulating into a disarray of emotion, until my mind is flooding. Like all things flooded, the result is overflow. BURSTING from the crevices of my mind, and spilling onto paper.

My words tell a story which my mind never could;

placing each droplet precisely where it should-

Go- it's all my thoughts do.

     Never stopping

          or pausing

               they simply accrue.

Pencil hits paper, and I've discovered the true meaning of release.

I desire to write for the same reason that one drowning desires to breathe;

because it is needed, undeserved but life-giving.

Writing has never been an option, but rather a way of living.

Always struggling to find the words that meet my need;

yet in the end, the words were what found me.

   

     My summer so far has been like nothing I could have ever imagined. I've been a BUSY bee! I'm working 20 hours a week between 8 and 4:30, babysitting my favorite little ones a few days each week, going to bible studies, hosting open houses at the bcm, and making some really incredible new friends. I'm going to a bible study that my sweet apartment complex neighbor leads on Friday mornings, and driving straight from there to yoga at the BCM. I spent a few weeks getting little to no sleep, watching sunrises at Bee Rock, or talking for hours upon end. I then became very sick with a horrible cough.. probably because I wasn't sleeping.. and lost my voice for two weeks! Who would have thought a summer could be so jam packed? Only I'm capabable of that. In high school, I was never involved in anything, because of fear. I think I now fear there being anything in existance that I'm not involved in. It seems I've gone from one extreme to another. I can be so black and white in my thinking.

     I've found a counselor here in Cookeville, and we've been talking through some really interesting things. As you may know, my eating disorder was my main motivation for seeking help. We have been focusing in on my OCD a lot more though, as it seems to be the root of all evil. :P
     I've been thrown a few curve balls so far this summer, and you would think I would just expect them at this point in my life. It never fails though, things always catch me off guard and take me by  surprise. Why do I still expect God to teach me things that I think He will? Why do I even try guessing what He's going to do in my life next.. haha.

    I'm learning that the more time that passes, the more I love people in their brokenness. I ache for them, and desire to see them healed! I suppose that's a good thing, considering I want to go into children's counseling. It's a tough thing though, because it can easily cause me to carry burdens I shouldn't. I just really love people, and that's not a statement I ever would have thought I could honestly say. I love their brokenness, their quirks, and hearing their hearts and their stories. I love connecting the dots between their childhoods and their struggles. I don't ever want to be in a place where people and their problems are projects to be repaired. I just want to love people.

     Now here's the tricky part- I have to learn to not feel responsible for other people's hurt. (I do, I always do.) I have to learn how to trust God with the people I love. (I don't, I really don't.) & I have to be humble enough to realize that my hands are not the most capable ones for them to be in, because I don't have within me the divine power to heal hurts. (God does though..) If I allow myself to be "that person", it's likely they'll come to me before God, and that's definitely not a situation I want myself or my sweet friends to be in. Obviously it's never my desire to practice or encourage idolatry. (Though I am quite sure I often do both.) Of course I like to feel "needed", but I have to accept that I am not God.. duh. Of course I like to feel that I have a "purpose," (I do have a purpose.) but it is to bring glory to God.. not myself.

    So here's to loving people enough to place them in God's hands. Here's to my brother, roommates, girls I disciple, best friend Ashley, and unsaved friends. Here's to my parents, grandparents, cousins, and family who is lost. Here's to my once second family, teachers, and Zimbabwean children. My friends old and new. Here's to loving my people and letting them go; knowing God always picks up where I'm lacking. It's a hard but important lesson to learn, lest my heart break in the process of trying to love in the future. Trust God. Trust God. Trust God.

-Hales

Bee Rock, June 11, 2013