I feel like this is going to be me for the next month. I'm leaving school later today to go home for Christmas break, & that freaks me out. Here at Tech, I'm surrounded by a flourishing garden of believers 24/7. They know my story, my struggles, & my goal. This is my new life; my running after Jesus life; the one I want to live forever. Home, is the past. Home is my mistakes and failures. Home is a desert. But, I'm praying for a desert. The desert is what simultaneously brought me to my knees, and sent me running towards the Lord. The desert is when I feel closest to God, and when I need Him the most. It's easy to think I can do things myself when I'm living in a garden. But in a desert? I am quickly humbled back to reality. I think I need a humbling reality check. Just like every one else, I can still feel space between the Lord and myself sometimes. I am far from "immune" to sin, and I still have to keep my relationship with Jesus in check. Just because I can survive heartbreak and world flips, while surrounded by encouraging lovers of Jesus Christ, does not mean anything. Even though it requires full reliance on the Lord in the beginning, after a while you tend to settle with partially trusting in the Lord. I need a desert; I desperately need a desert. I want to NEED to fully rely on Jesus Christ again for a couple of weeks. I'm sure later I will regret saying that, but I need to completely feel the peace, love, and joy of my Lord and Savior again. I need to rest in His arms, and allow Him to take the reigns. I know that He's more than willing and able, and personally, I'm exhausted. God is so good, and I am so grateful that He is in control of my life and my plans. Things are no longer quite as scary, once you realize your life is in the hands of the creator, the Rock Eternal.
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